It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted an update on my progress in a domestic abuse shelter for women.

This is a very difficult place for any woman/child to be in. And after being here 2 months, I have met many women who have endured much worse case scenarios than I. It breaks my heart, and I am saddened about the extreme violence towards women.

The ladies who are living here were asked to pick a WORD that would be their focus for the 2018 year. I thought long and hard, and decided that my word for the year is RESILIENCE.

RESILIENCE is defined as:

1. The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.

2. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

I chose that word because it reminds me of my hero. My father. Jose Guadalupe Montalvo. The most resilient man that I was ever priveleged to know. He endured 16 years of heart and kidney failure, two of the most vital organs he needed. I lament his loss for he is no longer with me.

My father passed on 7/12/2016. He is the reason why; I started writing again, created my blogs, and am seeking a redirection into a more fulfilling career. One where I can best put to use my God given talents. My dream is to influence others with my craft.

Losing my father was what caused me to reevaluate my life. I knew that I needed to make a change. And slowly but surely I have been taking small steps into creating a more fulfilling life. A life where I am making a living doing something I love.

I finally feel like I’m gaining some momentum and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am excited about my future once again.

I am in the end of a training at The Women’s Center located here in Fort Worth. They are helping me in my redirection towards a career change. They are also helping me with resources, tools, and mentors.

One activity we had to do, was to select 3 images. One that represents our current situation. One that represents the future situation we would like to be in. And finally, one that represents how we will get to that future situation.

My first picture is a beat up, old hippie van. It is stranded in the middle of nowhere. It’s not going anywhere. It’s just stuck. I picked it because that is how my life feels at the moment. That represents my current situation.

My second picture is a young girl in a pair of pink boots. I like this picture for my future situation because it looks like she’s found the “right fit”. This is me after I’ve found the “right career”. I just want to be doing what I love, and be getting paid for it.🤑

The third picture is a music sheet with a pencil. This represents my how I will get to my future. Its symbolic to me, for creating art. For doing my craft. I don’t literally write and compose music, but I do create my own art/content. And that is my ticket towards my future career.

This week, they helped me with creating a commercial for job interviews, editing and revising my resume, and practiced my response to questions at a mock interview.

I am wanting to expedite my move out of the shelter home due to the fact that this is not a permanent housing facility. I am finding it difficult, due to many roadblocks in my way.

I have started a gofund me account to raise my goal of $1,000. With this money I can get myself an apartment and start over again.

I hope that if you are inspired by me or my story that you might be moved into giving a donation to my fundraiser.



I still can’t say much about my divorce….(lawyers orders.) Much has transpired, and I’m doing my best. Please keep my little family in your prayers as I go to court on Feb 28, 2018 at 9:00a.m. I’m ready for it all to be over so that I can resume my life and blog again without restrictions. I just want to thank all of you who read my Candid Chicana blog or my Deanna’s Dark Diary blog. I haven’t gone anywhere I’m just getting my life in order.


Hurry Up, And Wait

I don’t particularly feel well. I know I need to see a Dr. My caseworker is trying to get me connected with some VA reps. But I’ve lost faith, due to past experience. My Scoliosis and other pains are non service related, so I don’t know if they’ll be able to help me.

Everything is so slow, that I feel like it’s Hurry up and wait! That’s a saying that I was taught in the military. It’s very applicable advice, because in life, we want to hurry up especially during the bad stuff. But unfortunately, we must wait.

I may just be getting fatigued, because both my mind and my body feel like they’re not at 100%. In other words,I feel like it’s going to be a long road to recovery. I’m hoping for the best, despite how my body feels. Maybe I need to do stretching or yoga or something to alleviate some of the pain I have.

Photo Credit:




I’m a writer because I love words. Words are so powerful. And that’s why I love learning new vocabulary and collecting dictionaries. Because it’s such a beautiful thing to be able to express oneself in a way that can impact others. It brings about connection with others.

Words have the capability to heal a hurting soul, or to crush a spirit and cause so much pain. And there are many scriptures in the Bible about words and their power. Like how God used words to CREATE LIFE.

-Proverbs 18:21 says,

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Words are garnished in poetry, songs, scripture, devotions, candid conversations 😉, and so much more. We can write, speak, or sing these magnificent words. Sometimes you read something and you think, “this was just for me”…or, “I needed to hear that.” Words literally breathe life, or kill a spirit.

Also, just a tid bit of personal information about me, my preferred love language is, words of affirmation. This idea of love languages stems from a book that I read called The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman.

If you want to know what your love language is, you should read this book. Or even better, if you want to learn your partner/spouses love language, read the book.

Basically, this book talks about the different ways people want to be loved. Love means something different to each one of us. So knowing how your significant other wants to be loved will only help your relationship.

See if my husband(soon to be ex) had listened to me at all anytime during this last decade, he would have known that I needed his words of affirmation to give me life. But tragically, his verbal abuse killed my spirit, among other things. And now, I’m in really bad shape. Really bad shape.

And I know he’s going to be upset by this blog, but I’m not out to get him, I just want him to know how bad he hurt me. And no, I don’t plan on reconciliation. I’m sorry but you hurt me too much. Just like the lyrics in that Kesha song I shared before…..some things, only God can forgive.

But, I have to start over in my life, AGAIN. It’s like ground zero for me. Where the destruction is over, but the building of something new just seems undoable. A new life. Change is scary. But thank God I have my words to comfort me. Whether it be my blogs or journaling, devotionals or podcasts, I will feed my soul in some way in the meantime.

Photo Credit:

Unsplash Annie Spratt



I’ll never understand how a woman can hate another woman for no legitimate reason, especially if she herself has her own blessings. I will never get that.

This is why I trust NO ONE.

I had a best friend once. We were best friends for 11 years.

It hurt me deeply, but I had to cut that friendship off completely. It was the hardest thing to do, but it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

I cried because it hurt. My father was alive back then at that time. I remember telling him, and asking him why would my own best friend hate on me and be jealous when she had everything, and I had struggles? She had a great career, a good husband, and a home and cars. I was a divorcee’, struggling, single mom.

And yet, I was always happy for her happiness and her blessings. But any time I would tell her my good news about promotions or if I met someone I liked, it was always accompanied with eyerolls, and negative comments.

Cutting off that friendship was the best thing I ever did. It was as instant, yet unpleasant as getting my eyebrows waxed. Quick! The pain went away because I removed the person causing me pain.

Sometimes we hurt so much, because we didn’t imagine that type of ending. But, life isn’t always fair. And maybe we don’t always understand why people change, or what made them change. But they did. And we have to just keep moving forward. Those that are meant to be with you will be there. And those that fall away, at least you had some good times, and good memories.

This year, 2018, I am not putting up with ANYONE’S BULLSHIT. I’m too tired, and too old for high school ish drama. So, hopefully people give me the same respect that I give them. And this year I have zero tolerance for haters.

Photo Credit:

Facebook Meme Unknown Page



So, he tells me today that we’re legally separated.

I haven’t been served, but that is good news nonetheless.

So Dear Ex,

I know you’re there. Stalking, lurking, and who knows what else. I’m good though. You told me to stop blogging about domestic abuse. I will never be afraid to speak out against domestic abuse ever again. Sorry, not sorry.

Oh and Dear ex, listen to this song, hear the lyrics closely. I dedicate it to you. Someone here shared it with me. Maybe you thought I would fall apart at your “news”. But, no. I am not falling apart.

Have a good life.

May God Bless You anyway.

Click this link below:

Video Credit:

YouTube, Kesha Praying

We’re still struggling, but the counseling I’m receiving here is helping me cope. I’m no longer a victim. I am a survivor.